The most challenging part of understanding psychology is that most of what people think they know about it is just wrong. Armchair psychologists and TikTok influencers propound the notion that psychology is all just common sense. Truthfully, even some authors on Fair Observer have fallen victim to the trend of attempting to analyze individuals with whom they have never taken the time to examine clinically.

In reality, an entire scientific discipline is never simple. After four years of study in the field, I can honestly say that I barely know anything. There are too many misconceptions in the world of mental health; thus, I err on the side of credentials. Professional psychologists know their limits. If, on the contrary, someone is attempting to show off their knowledge or, god forbid, to diagnose you, hear me when I say, “RUN!!!!!”

If you really want to know how a psychologist thinks, look no further than And How Does That Make You Feel? Everything You (n)ever Wanted to Know about Therapy. Author and psychotherapist Josh Fletcher outlines his inner thoughts through several vignettes drawn from his practice. Fletcher defines and explains major psychiatric conditions in a readable way; he makes sense of each of them as his clients’ stories unfold. He gives you a picture of the symptoms and struggles of each client, and then the diagnoses and the explanation of such conditions.

It brought peace to my soul to see someone accurately display and define obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and intrusive thoughts. No, you don’t have OCD just because you color-code your closet, and wanting to smash a cake is not, in fact, an intrusive thought. Please, people, I’m begging you.

Another refreshing aspect is the display of what goes through the mind of a counselor. Counselors are trained to maintain calm and effectively become a blank canvas, one for you to paint with your life. Therapeutic relationships are, in my opinion, the weirdest ones out there. Clients pay to spill their guts, all their deepest and darkest thoughts and feelings; all the while, they know virtually nothing about their counselor. The equanimity needed to do that takes skill.

Still, therapists are people, too. People judge; they have opinions, and they also have their own struggles. As cliche as it is, the saying that “every shrink has a shrink” is not that far off the mark. In fact, any counseling program requires students to experience what it is like to be a client. Counselors might have the education and the coping mechanisms for life’s difficulties, but that doesn’t necessarily mean much — think of all the doctors who know cigarettes kill but who still light up in the hospital parking lot.

So, we read about Fletcher’s own struggles, and then we flash back to why he became a counselor. The book asks the question, is it necessary to experience pain to help others? Realistically, no. Your surgeon doesn’t need to have gone through appendicitis to perform your appendectomy. But, in therapy, there is a sense of comfort knowing your therapist may very well have dealt with mental health issues as well. 

Psychologists are often met with the question, “Are you analyzing me now?” Even I got that question as an undergraduate student. Let me have the honor of saying: “Not even for a second.”

All in all, I enjoyed this book because of its messiness. We don’t get a perfect ending with a bow on top; it gets a little preachy at some points and it feels embarrassing at others. Ironically, this is the reason it speaks well. Psychology is an objective method applied to subjective situations; thus it is not black and white, it is often gray, and not a pretty shade of gray, either.

The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect Fair Observer’s editorial policy.